Synopsis
Movie mogul J.P. Shelldrake (Tony Curtis, Some Like It
Hot) is a man with a problem. His studio has posted record profits,
and the IRS wants to collect its share. Unfortunately, though his studio
may be profitable, he doesn't exactly have piles of cash lying around,
either. Now the mogul has just six days to try and find some way of
getting the taxman off his back, and the surest method of doing that is
for his company to lose money fast. To accomplish this task, Shelldrake
has to come up with the most awful movie he can find to distribute under
the company banner.
As it so happens, into Shelldrake's office that morning walks young
Stevie Horowitz (Dean Jacobsen, in his only major role), who is
desperately trying to hawk his new opus, Lobster Man From
Mars.
Does that sound perfect or what?
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In Detail
Lobster Man From Mars.
A title like that practically negates the need for a review. If you see
the title and you have the immediate urge to run for the hills to save
yourself from the awful drek that surely must await just beyond the
opening credits, then this movie will likely not appeal to you in the
least and you should stay far, far away. If, in the other hand, you looked
at the title and said to yourself, "Lobster Man From Mars? Cool!",
then you're certain to enjoy this shrine to the memory of the great old,
bad old Grade Z classics of science fiction's golden age.
Lobster Man From Mars actually has quite the pedigree. The great
Orson Welles himself came up with the title (no kidding!), and had
agreed to produce the picture before his untimely death. (He is remembered
in the closing credits.) However, pedigree is probably the last thing on
the minds of this film's target audience, save for the repressed giggles
of recognition upon hearing the voice of legendary radio schlock jock
Dr. Demento as the movie's narrator or discovering that the Martian
astrologer is played by Bobby "Boris" Pickett, the man who gave the
world "The Monster Mash". Nay, these people came here to see some good old
fashioned drek; whether it was born in the grandest corridors of Hollywood
legend or the deepest pits of comic pulp makes little difference. Or does
it?
There is a common misconception about Grade Z movies held by a vast
majority of those who aren't passionate followers of the genre. So many
people think that all one needs to do to make one of these pictures is
slap together story about aliens with some cheap sets and crappy acting
and whammo! Instant flick. However, that simply isn't true. Granted, many
a lowbrow filmmaker has tried this very stunt, but the films that result
from such carelessness do not possess anything near the same magic, the
same cheesy magnetism as a true Grade Z movie does. The film cannot simply
be "bad"; rather, it must be artfully bad, awful to such a degree as to be
entertaining in its preposterousness. The balancing act is a tight one
between going too far over the top and taking oneself too seriously, and
not many movie makers - especially since the end of the golden age of the
1950s - have been able to master it. Indeed, it is an almost impossible
task to accomplish on purpose; most truly great Grade Z classics happen by
accident (Ed Wood really tried to be serious with Plan
9 From Outer Space) rather than by design. And when they do
happen, there are certain rules that such films must follow to rightfully
take their place in the hallowed halls of superior schlock; again, mere
crud on a stick simply won't do. It is only after taking factors such as
these into account that one can fully appreciate the brilliance and the
true craft behind Lobster Man From Mars. This is also why the film
deserves the straight up credit of a positive rating instead of its own
stamp of Grade Z, for the art and deliberate care that went into this
picture ought to be recognized.
The "picture within a picture" that is Lobster Man From Mars is
a brilliant shrine to the classic days of bad movie making, from cheap
alien movies to teenagers-save-the-world flicks to smartass private eye
films. The great clichés are all lovingly reproduced in such a manner that
it is obvious that great care was taken in their selection and placement,
along with many of the bad filmmaking conventions that many modern
directors might have forgotten to include. Perhaps the average guy behind
the camera might have thought to make the string holding up the space bat
visible, but how many would have remembered the lousy dubbing? The
skeleton effects are straight out of Plan
9 From Outer Space, and the strangely Ancient Greek looking
monarchy that is the Martian seat of power is recognizable from any one of
a hundred old favorites. The awful young English actor (Anthony
Hickox, Storm Catcher) playing the hero, the oddly domestic yet
independent blonde girlfriend (Deborah Foreman, Real Genius)
who's the true brains behind the outfit, and, of course, the Dreaded
Lobster Man (S.D. Nemeth, RoboCop) and his helmet-wearing
simian sidekick, Mombo (officially uncredited) are all composites
of the best cliché characters that the Grade Z classics have to offer. No
detail is missed, and no silly effort spared. To those who don't
appreciate the bad old days of genre drek, all of this art and attention
to craft will pass right by and indeed seem like little more than cheap
silliness, but for those who truly love the classics... this is
reverential art done well.
The external story that surrounds the actual Lobster Man From
Mars "movie within a movie" is nothing special, but it's reasonably
well done all the same. It has just enough of a presence to justify the
existence of the real meat of this lobster (the Grade Z style sci fi
flick), but doesn't become so overbearing as to detract from the most
important aspect of the show. There are some aspects of this part of the
film where it does try a bit too hard ( the many plastic toys in the
drawer come to mind as a needless gag), in stark contrast to the apparent
care taken with the Lobster Man portion of the show; however, these flaws
are far from fatal.
In the end, though, whether or not you're going to enjoy Lobster Man
From Mars is pretty well a foregone conclusion. If you loved the bad
old days of Grade Z science fiction and if shows like Mystery Science
Theater 3000 are your idea of fun, then you were probably drawn in by
the title alone from the first instant, and you'll probably enjoy yourself
immensely. If, on the other hand, the title alone made you cringe, then
you should probably just back away slowly and look for something in the
"drama" section, and leave Lobster Man From Mars to those of us who
can truly appreciate the fine art of a badly made
film.
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